24 September 2009 - Panel on fatherhood at the Congressional Black Caucus at the Washington, D.C. Convention.
Several members of Congress spoke, and other special guests offered comments, so that the 2 hour discussion was busier than planned. I was introduced, and had the opportunity to ask a question in front of the 250 attendees of Joshua DuBois, (pronounced Due-Bwah), President
Obama's White House advisor on fatherhood.
David Levy of the Children's Rights Council said that 400 fathers assembled for a forum at Abyssinia Church in New York City several weeks ago, and many complained that they were paying child support, but that they were not getting to see their children.
Mr. Levy also advised that custody, access and visitation needed to be part of the conversation that reaches the President. DuBois agreed. I know that so far, access and visitation are not being addressed by DuBois in various meetings, but they need to in order to present a full picture in an upcoming report to the President.
A few of the panelists, whose organizations help young black dads obtain employment, deal with child support issues, and encourage marriage, said they are looking for new ways to cope with the problems that young dads (and moms) face. Indeed, several other young men asked questions about visitation problems.
Mr Levy said he planned to contact organization leaders who are providing job training, child support information, and marriage-incentive information to young dads (and moms), and urge that they finally come to embrace a presumption for joint custody. They need to do so for the following reasons:
1. Joint custody will help their marriage movement. If young men know that there are resources to help sustain marriages (which there are), but that if divorce occurs, they will not be cut out from being part of their child's life, that will help encourage and sustain marriage. If mothers know that they also need to work on sustaining the
marriage, but that if divorce occurs, they will not necessarily be the "gatekeepers" who control the father's access to the child, there may be less incentive to divorce.
Every marriage represents a successful child support order, every marriage represents a successful access/visitation story. The "mothers as gatekeepers" idea arose several times during the discussion, and although of course it is advisable for parents to remain on good terms with each other in raising the child, which CRC always recommends, too many moms do not see any value in the father's presence in the child's life, and thus "deadbolt" the father out of the picture. This can happen in reverse, too, of course, in the rarer instances when dad has custody, and can "deadbolt" mom out of the picture.
2. Joint custody will also help both parents be involved in their child's life, regardless of the parents' marital situation. Absent a charge of neglect, abuse, or some other serious matter, the parents should know they will have legal joint custody (shared decision making) and physical shared parenting (at least a third to a half of the time
with the child on a year-round basis).
Dr. Ron Mincy of Columbia University, the "guru" of the never-married fathers movement, Jeff Johnson, head of NPCL (National Partnership for Community Leadership), which helps "train the trainers" for fatherhood programs, and Joe Jones, head of the Center for Urban Families in Baltimore, are looking for ways to help fathers -- and mothers. It is long past time that joint custody becomes one of their causes to really help dads and moms, and especially children.