There has been a growing trend in the American society that is frightening. This can
be seen in the priorities that Americans place on holidays. There is Christmas and
Easter, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day and then there is
Father's Day. All of the holidays mentioned here are well advertised and highly
celebrated except for Father's Day. Oh yes, there are commercials for Father's Day
cards and sales but compared to the other holidays, Father's Day is the least
publicized. The American society has always been a patriarchal society, based on the
Biblical standards of the family structure, yet now it is becoming a matriarchal
society. Society is placing more and more importance on the role of mothers in
children's lives while effectively diminishing the role of fathers in children's
lives. There has been a growing trend in absenteeism of fathers in children's lives.
Not only has there been an increase in unwed parenting, which normally results in a
single mother households, but there has also been an increase in divorce which has
also in the past led to a single mother household. "It is ironic, and of some
interest, that we have subjected joint custody to a level and intensity of scrutiny
that was never directed toward the traditional post-divorce arrangement (sole legal
and physical custody to the mother and two weekends each month of visiting to the
father). Developmental and relationship theory should have alerted the mental health
field to the potential immediate and long range consequences for the child of only
seeing a parent four days each month. And yet, until recently, there was no particular
challenge to this traditional post-divorce parenting arrangement, despite growing
evidence that such post-divorce relationships were not sufficiently nurturing or
stabilizing for many children and parents." The recent trend gives the impression that
the growing attitude in this society is "Why do we need fathers? Women can fulfill all
the needs of the children." It is only recently that fathers have begun to fight for
their rights as a parent and the effects of the fatherless family has become evident.
The reason that fathers have become more adamant in their fights for their rights, is
because fathers did not realize they had the right to maintain that close relationship
with their children when the courts ordered the sole custody of the children to go to
the mother. The respect for the court as the final authority is being challenged
because fathers have seen the effects that divorce is having on their children and
they love their children and desire to be a part of their lives. When the courts took
away their parental rights, it devastated both the fathers and the children. It is
important in the development of children that fathers are involved in their children's
lives. Studies have indicated that the absenteeism of fathers from the family has a
dramatic effect on the development of the children. There are both short term and long
term effects. "30% of the children in the present study experienced a marked decrease
in their academic performance following parental separation, and this was evident three
years later." Children also begin a pattern of depression and confusion at the loss of
their other parent. "The results of the present study suggest that father loss through
divorce is associated with diminished self-concepts in the children." There are other
staggering statistics on the effects of a fatherless household has on the children. 90%
of all homeless and runaway children 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral
disorders 85% of all youths in prisons 80% of rapists with displaced anger 75% of all
adolescent drug rehabilitation 71% of all high school dropouts 70% of juveniles in
state-operated institutions 63% of all youth suicides These statistics show that
fatherless homes are ravaging today's youth. No longer can we have the attitude that
we do not need fathers. Fathers are vitally important in the well-being of our youth
which are the future of our society. Children need the stable balance of having both a
mother figure and a father figure in their lives. "Children in single parent households
fail to learn the role of the other parent, and the gender traits of responsible adults
who have mastered the caring arts which are so necessary to achieve stable, loving two
parent intact families." Divorce has led to many problems in today's youth. The system,
which has not been challenged until recently, has propitiated the notion that fathers
are not needed by the children. They have done this through their past custody
rulings. The fathers were shut out of their children's lives except for the two
weekends each month. Children only had contact with their fathers for four days each
month except maybe some telephone calls. The courts presented the attitude that fathers
were only good for the procreation of these children and money to support the mother and
the children. Today these views are being challenged by fathers who want to have a
deeper relationship with their children past being a check in the mail. Fathers are
protesting that they are important to the emotional well-being of their children and
being a part of their lives is important to them. They no longer want to be
restricted to the four days a month that the courts have perpetrated on them, but
they want to be allowed to show the children that they have not abandoned them but
that they love them and care about their future. Boys generally lack the important
role model of how to be a good father and a good man. "Among teenage and adult
populations of females, parental divorce has been associated with lower self-esteem,
precocious sexual activity, greater delinquent-like behavior, and more difficulty
establishing gratifying, lasting adult heterosexual relationships. It is especially
intriguing to note that, in these studies, the parental divorce typically occurred
years before any difficulties were observed." For the courts, the father has
traditionally simply been a paycheck to support the lifestyle of the mother and the
children. This shows to the children how unimportant fathers are to them. Boys see
that men are unimportant in the relationship to the family and girls see that they do
not need a man to help raise a family. "Children raised in a single parent household
have an 80% probability of later raising their own children in a single parent household
too. Single parent households grow like a cancer in the absence of a powerful remedy.
Welfare has proven to be no remedy, but is rather an accelerant to this exploding
problem." Also the child support system perpetuates this fatherless household and
although it is supposed to help the economics of the family, it makes it even worse.
There are now two households being supported by two incomes. The intact family is the
best remedy to today's economic situation because then there is one household being
supported by two incomes. The child support system ensures that both households struggle
economically and also deprives the child of an essential aspect in their lives, their
father. When a non-custodial parent is unable to pay the amount of support that the
court has deemed proper, they criminalize that parent. "A parent in jail, or deprived
of a license, is simply unable to provide any income or emotional support to their
children; and the children get the message that government only wants to destroy that
parent. Boys in particular get the shattering message that they too will become
destroyed when they grow up and stupidly become fathers. Girls get the warped message
that they may freely become breeder mommies through government sanctioned meal tickets
via gouging child support which often can never be fully collected. The net effect on
our children becomes distorted values, and a life time distrust in government, or
distrust in the opposite gender." This battery of the children by the system creates
the social problems that are occurring in increasing numbers in today's society. As
you can see by the statistics of the fatherless family and the percentage of suicides,
substance abuse, imprisonment, homelessness and runaways of the youth of today the
fatherless family is producing these social problems that the government is creating
programs to try to correct. However, they are trying to correct the problem once it
has started instead of stopping the problems at the source. Allowing children to have
equal access to each parent is essential to the decrease in society's woes. As stated
earlier, single parent households perpetuate themselves, thereby perpetuating the
problems in today's society and with each generation increases in volume. It is time for
fathers to be recognized as humans and as essential parts of their children's emotional
and social stability. Fathers must be seen as men who love and care about their children
and long to have meaningful relationships with them. Fathers have been struggling over
the recent years to maintain that closeness to their children which the court and
society has taken from them in the past. Motherhood has always been highly valued in
societies throughout time and now, for the sake of our future and the precious children,
we must allow fathers to hold their rightful place in society and the lives of our
children. Fathers must continue to take a stand to be a part of their children's lives,
for their welfare. Some of these statistics would lend itself to more fathers having
custody. Because fathers love their children, they must continue to fight to maintain a
close relationship with their sons and daughters to ensure their emotional and social
stability. The government will only change their views on the importance of fathers in
the children's lives if fathers continue to take a stand and speak up for themselves.
When fathers continue to band themselves together to fight for the right to remain
fathers to their children and not just a child support check, then the children and
consequently our society will prosper. Fathers cannot allow feminist and other groups
that are not family-friendly to impose their views on the rest of society and abuse
fathers through their slanderous remarks against fathers. If fathers give up fighting
because of the stress and the abuse that they go through, it is the children and the
fathers that will suffer and then our whole society suffers. The court system should be
a family friendly system, not simply a mother-friendly system. This is why we have to
continue to stand up and say, in a loud voice, "FATHERS MATTER!" Write senators and
congress to show them the statistics of the importance that fathers have in their
children's lives. Let your voices be heard! They are our children too!
Written by: Rev. Dennis Austin
Special thanks to: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census Center for Disease Control Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978
National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools Rainbows for all God's Children
U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, September 1998 Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations
Texas Dept. of Corrections
Bob Burke CPSA/CRC-NH Children's Self Concepts: Are They Affected by Parental Divorce and Remarriage
Thomas S. Parish, Journal of Social behavior and Personality, 1987, V 2, #4, 559-562
Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children: A Developmental Vulnerability Model Neil Kalter, Ph.D., University of Michigan, American Journal of Orthopsychiaty, 57(4), October, 1987
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